Kaleidoscopic Reverie

Not that he watches TV before work anyway..

2008-05-11T06:25:00.004-04:00

This morning's conversation with the significant other:

"What are you watching?"

"The Bodyguard."

"That's such a cheesy f-ing movie."

"Well, it's either that or infomercials."

"Let's watch infomercials."

"Go make breakfast, jerk."

I look like I could use another shot of Jager.

2008-04-21T12:06:00.002-04:00

In Spirit of the Holiday..

2008-04-20T16:20:00.000-04:00

I thought this post on craigslist was hilarious, so I absolutely HAD to share it today, of all days.

To the Stoner Who Works At Cottage Inn Pizza

You: the guy who answers the phone at cottage inn pizza
Me: Hungry and stoned out of my gourd

I called you from my cell phone but had completely forgot who I was calling by the time you answered the phone. Of course, you were also baked to bajeezus and forgot to tell me that I had called Cottage Inn.

When you answered and said, “Whatsup?” I thought about it, and after a 20 second pause I told you that was hungry. You suggested I try a pizza, and I agreed that it was probably a good idea.

Then I asked you if you sold pizza and you said that you could make me one. I said I wanted anchovies and something else on my pizza. You asked me what that something else was.

We spent five minutes listing toppings until we figured out that I was trying to remember how to say: “Sun dried Tomatoes.” When you said: “We'll bake that right up for you,” we both started laughing uncontrollably.
It was the best pizza I ever had; I just wanted to thank you for helping me out.

Happy 4/20.

Twister, anyone?

2008-04-19T07:41:00.000-04:00

Wordless Wednesday #9

2008-04-16T22:16:00.002-04:00

It's not that complicated!

2008-04-01T16:38:00.004-04:00

If you're going to play April Fools jokes on me, don't try to trick me to my face. I can read you.

If you MUST try, just change my clocks from AM to PM. That's enough to screw anyone up.. like I did to you last year. And the year before.

People never learn..

In spirit of the "holiday", check out the Top 100 April Fools' Day Hoaxes of All Time.

New to Vox.

2008-03-30T19:15:00.002-04:00

I signed up for a Vox blog today, just because I thought it could be the right community to push my music and other art into. I don't plan on doing anything cool with it right now, but I'll definitely be investing some time into it later on.

Check it out.

(And add me to your network if you've got an account.)

More drunken photos.

2008-03-24T05:28:00.006-04:00

It really wasn't my idea to grab Vanessa's boob.. I have my boys to thank for that one. This was near the end of the night, so I was too far gone to care.. I look terrible! lol

Joe and J. I love these boys. They keep life interesting.

Happy Easter!

2008-03-23T08:57:00.002-04:00

Those Hippies Knew How to Party

2008-03-22T12:46:00.003-04:00

I came across a great article today- Dancing Naked in the Corn. Woodstock was way before my time, but I can relate to the whole festival experience- people coming together, the music, the parties..

Three interesting Woodstock facts (from the article):

A hit of Acid or Mescaline cost $4 and an ounce of Marijuana cost $15.

Only 33 people were arrested on drugs charges yet 500 freaked out on bad LSD trips.

450 cows mixed freely with the campers for 3 days.

Wild.

Two years already?!

2008-03-15T06:52:00.000-04:00

Today is J's and my two year anniversary (we're not married). Damn.. where did all that time go?

Plug-in air fresheners are (not so) dangerous..

2008-03-12T13:59:00.011-04:00

* * Edit: Damn, I'm a sucker for all sorts of info, FALSE stuff included.. Thanks to Nathan Pralle for this link. * *

So I received this email today about house fires and air fresheners..

I'm sure many fires have been caused by plug-in air fresheners over the years due to disregard for general safety procedures with outlets, so it probably could happen, but no, not without a little help.

The email:

A man and his wife learned a hard lesson this week.

Their house burnt down.. nothing left but ashes. They have good insurance so the house will be replaced and most of the contents. That is the good news.

However, they were sick when they found out the cause of the fire. The insurance investigator sifted through the ashes for several hours. He had the cause of the fire traced to the master bathroom. He asked her sister-in-law what she had plugged in the bathroom. She listed the normal things....curling iron, blow dryer. He kept saying to her, 'No, this would be something that would disintegrate at high temperatures'. Then her sister-in-law remembered she had a Glade Plug-In, in the bathroom.

The investigator had one of those 'Aha' moments. He said that was the cause of the fire. He said he has seen more house fires started with the plug-in type room fresheners than anything else. He said the plastic they are made from is THIN. He also said that in every case there was nothing left to prove that it even existed. When the investigator looked in the wall plug, the two prongs left from the plug-in were still in there.

Her sister-in-law had one of the plug-ins that had a small night light built in it. She said she had noticed that the light would dim and then finally go out. She would walk into the bathroom a few hours later, and the light would be back on again. The investigator said that the unit was getting too hot, and would dim and go out rather than just blow the light bulb. Once it cooled down it would come back on. That is a warning sign.

The investigator said he personally wouldn't have any type of plug-in fragrance device anywhere in his house. He has seen too many places that have been burned down due to them.

* * Again, the info in this email is false. * *

I'll definitely be forwarding this link to the person who sent the email. If you receive something similar, you might want to pass it along, too.

Wordless Wednesday #8

2008-03-12T09:17:00.004-04:00

What to do?

2008-03-08T18:17:00.004-05:00

What do you do when you're stuck in one place, living above 'tenants' that make you miserable?

The catch is, they're the landlord's family and are taking advantage of her, and she doesn't want to see it, let alone manage the issue, and it's hurting everyone.. No apartments that allow pets are available within our price range. And I am unable to pick up another job.

How do you deal with such a situation?

And how do you keep your composure when things get ridiculously stupid?

How to Enjoy a Colonoscopy

2008-03-08T10:36:00.000-05:00

I have my mother to thank for this one..

How to enjoy a colonoscopy

IGTB is Growing Up..

2008-03-02T05:01:00.003-05:00

As of today, IGTB has a Google PR of 3. How unexpected! I'm excited to see my blog growing so quickly and gaining all this new publicity.. I can't wait to see where this will take me another couple months down the road.. Thanks to everyone who's been supporting me in this endeavor.

Megadeth and Cristina Scabbia?

2008-03-01T17:47:00.004-05:00

Megadeth and the Lacuna Coil frontwoman collaborated for "A Tout Le Monde (Set Me Free)". Great song, but this is a big change for Cristina.. Wow. I really can't say whether I love it or hate it just yet.

A Tout Le Monde (Set Me Free)

Bloggers Wanted!

2008-02-28T04:31:00.003-05:00

Hey guys, I'm looking for some guest bloggers over at IGTB. If you're interested, the details can be found HERE. I've gotten quite a few emails yesterday about it, and already I've got a few bloggers in mind.. exciting! (I'll start sending out replies tomorrow, and continue on into the weekend.) Thanks to those who have jumped at this opportunity, and if you're interested but haven't contacted me yet, I'm waiting!

Too funny.

2008-02-25T18:41:00.001-05:00

I know, it's terrible to laugh at others' misfortunes, but I can't help it.

Grape Stomp

TMI Tuesday #3

2008-02-19T12:27:00.003-05:00

1. Which one turns you on more ink or piercing? Why?
I'm not sure.. I think I like ink more, but piercings are fun (lol!).

2. What ink do you have? If none, what would you get and and where?
I will be getting a small pentagram on my right shoulder with something meaningful written in Latin around it as soon as I find the right tattoo artist.. I'm picky and want it done right.

3. What piercing do you have? If none, what would you get and and where?
Over the past few years, I've had holes all through my ears and tongue and eyebrows. I stick to about five small hoops in my ears most days, maybe less, maybe more.. it depends on the day and occasion.

4. Any other adornments you like to do for your lover or have then do for you?
I've considered getting my nipples pierced a few times, but I'm really not sure if that's a pain I want to endure. I do have a scar on my foot (it's for me, not for a lover) in the shape of a pentagram that marked the end of my self destructive habits and turning to my 'spiritual side' for strength in overcoming severe depression.

5. Of all of the above is there anything that is an immediate Turn-Off?
No way! As long as they're not overdone..

Want to play? Visit TMI Tuesday.

Wordless Wednesday #7

2008-02-13T09:14:00.001-05:00

Blog Review at Inspirit

2008-02-12T07:02:00.000-05:00

Abhi reviewed IGTB at Inspirit last week, and I'm pleased with it overall. (Honestly, I was expecting a lower score! lol)

Surprisingly (or not so much?), the suggestions he made were exactly what I've been slowly trying to fix- the placement of the search bar and changing my Feedburner counter to different color. I actually had them placed where he suggested before their current positions, but it just didn't look right with the rest of the template, so I moved them to where they are now (and at the time of the review). I must agree it still looks a little off, but I'll be tweaking the template again this weekend (if I can find enough time). I have a couple ideas that may work.. I must say Typepad isn't quite as flexible with templates as I'd like it to be. But it provides everything else I need, so I can't complain too much. It's great for bloggers who don't have much time to bother with all the complexities.

And yes, I have some tweaking to do with that damn "About" column and the general column width. That irks me the most.. but again, as soon as I get some free time, I'll be playing with it again and trying to straighten it all out.

Thanks again, Abhi!

Poll at IGTB

2008-02-10T13:15:00.000-05:00

I posted a poll at IGTB- how often do you blog? Come check it out, vote, and share your answers if you've got a minute.

(This is part of a traffic project I'm working on.)

Interviewed!

2008-02-01T11:59:00.000-05:00

I was lucky enough to be interviewed by Karen at Abaminds recently, and I'm both happy and excited to see my *first blog interview ever* posted for everyone to see. Thanks for your time and work, Karen. And the rest of you reading this, go check it out!

IGTB is Blog of the Day on Fuelmyblog!

2008-01-24T10:40:00.000-05:00

IGTB was featured on yet another social media front page yesterday- this time as Blog of the Day on Fuelmyblog.

I loaded up the front page this morning and WHABAM! there I was, staring back at myself. What a surprise!

I can't even begin to explain how I feel about IGTB's sudden popularity "explosion" this week. It's great to see my articles faring pretty well on various social media sites and gaining more feed subscribers. These are the kind of things that tell a blogger that his or her efforts are beginning to pay off..

What puzzles me is the fact that IGTB isn't even four months old yet and I'm not a frequent publisher.. So maybe there's hope for the part-time bloggers out there?

Addicted?

2008-01-11T17:09:00.000-05:00

81%

Maybe so?

Poll: Do you have a new year's resolution?

2008-01-06T13:28:00.000-05:00

A busy month, my 22nd birthday, and a blog award.. Lots to catch up on!

2007-12-27T04:40:00.000-05:00

Wow, what a month it's been!

I have been so busy with work, my music, my birthday, and the holidays that I haven't had any time to spend on blogging this month. I miss it and can't wait to get back in the groove again. (And share photos and videos.)

My birthday (on the 20th) was great and I celebrated at the Agony Hill show the following Saturday. I *TRIED* to take a group picture of us on the bus after the show, but I was too drunk to aim the camera properly and wound up cutting heads off.

That was quite the night. And I had a killer hangover the next day. If you ever get the chance to see these guys live, you'll understand why it's almost impossible to go home sober. They rock, and they encourage EVERYONE to party and have a good time.

During the time I was away, Chris from The Dog Log gave me the Best Friends Award. THANK YOU! I love the changes you've made to your blog over the past couple months, by the way! Can't wait to catch up on things. :)

I'll be back to blogging after the New Year. I have lots of plans for this blog, IGTB, and the group blogs, AND I have a few more surprises in the works. My New Year's Resolution? Set a blogging schedule and stick to it.

Rock Against Domestic Abuse: New York

2007-11-26T07:06:00.000-05:00

I recently teamed up with my gorgeous friend, Michelle, to start a MySpace campaign for RADA of NY. It's still in its early stages, but I can confidently say that it's going very well and will be a big success.

Those who have read about my struggles will understand why I'm taking on this project and my desire to help those who have the same problems I once did.

It is still uncertain whether or not I will be performing, but the chances are pretty good. I have several friends who will be part of the show too, Dropclutch being one of the many bands we're booking.

Show date(s) will not be announced for at least a couple more months.

Your support would be greatly appreciated. More on this later.

Happy Thanksgiving

2007-11-22T12:23:00.000-05:00

Today is a busy day for me, as I am spending it with friends and family, and then have to work this evening before that whole Black Friday thing starts up (ugh!). I'd just like to take a moment to wish everyone a happy Thanksgiving. Eat hearty, let your family and friends know how much they mean to you, and enjoy the holiday.

Manic Monday #3

2007-11-19T13:16:00.000-05:00

What is your least favorite day of the week and why?
Monday.. that's when the work week starts up. Ugh!

What's the best way to end the day?
With a beer, of course! (No, I'm not an alcoholic.)

Which animal would you have left out of the ark?
Maggots. That's the only animal I'm afraid of. Horrendous.

Want to play? Visit Manic Monday.

R.I.P. Snakey

2007-11-12T15:15:00.000-05:00

My little Snakey passed away this morning.. and I'm not sure why.

I just had him out yesterday. He was happy and cuddly like always, and he enjoyed the bath I gave him. When I returned him to his tank, it was the right temperature and he was perfectly fine.. But when I came home from work this morning, I found him in an awkward position- body as it normally is, head twisted and throat facing up. It almost looked like he broke his own neck or something.

Concerned, I picked him up and his posterior half was limp while his head and neck remained in the same general position. I straightened him out and he was obviously dead.. But WHY? I just can't figure it out.

He was a great little friend, went with me everywhere. He was so cool and laid back. He would let anyone touch him if they wanted.

Maybe I'm a little too emotional about this, but he was MY snake, MY little friend, and now he's gone. I feel like a little piece of me is missing.

Happy birthday, Agent J

2007-11-05T08:37:00.000-05:00

Today is J's 27th birthday.. and plans for the day include NO WORK and GETTING TRASHED. Beer and pizza, three meals. Maybe jello shots if we're feeling ambitious.

My 99 Bloggers Debut

2007-11-04T17:04:00.000-05:00

I was surprised to receive a group blog invite to 99 Bloggers yesterday, and because this is a great opportunity to get my name out there more, I couldn't turn it down.

I'll be writing mostly about music and blogging, but if I find that I want to write something different that I feel strongly about, I'll step outside the box for a little while.

My first post- Raivyn joins 99 Bloggers

Poll: Did you dress up for Halloween this year?

2007-11-02T10:40:00.001-04:00

Halloween, Mom's Birthday, and COOKIES!

2007-10-31T11:05:00.000-04:00

First off, I'd like to wish everyone a HAPPY HALLOWEEN!

Second, I'd like to announce my mother's birthday. The old bat turned 47 today.. kidding, she's not an old bat. I just have to poke fun at her. But yeah, the big 47. Healthy and active as always. I'm proud of her.

I baked her some cookies too:

Aren't they cute?

Yes, they are the kind you take out of the package and throw into the oven for 10 minutes. I was never much of a chef, and I inherited that trait from my mother, who can appreciate such effort because I actually baked something rather than ordered out. I'm moving up in the world.

Empty Walls - Serj Tankian's new single

2007-10-28T07:53:00.000-04:00

I finally got the chance to see Serj Tankian's new music video this morning, and I must say that it's nothing short of brilliant. He's been known to be crazy and unpredictable, and misunderstood by those who can't look past that, but he is one of the greatest modern political activists.

Check it out:
Serj Tankian - Empty Walls

I love the idea of children playing in this video, and all the symbolism. It really shows what war does to our innocent children and our families.

"Don't you see their bodies burning
Desolate and full of yearning
Dying of anticipation
Choking from intoxication"

The lyrics aren't nearly as subtle as the video, but they fit together nicely. This is only the first single off his new album, Elect the Dead, and I can't wait to hear what else this amazing artist has released. I'll be getting his album soon.

Serj is on the road and will be touring Europe in less than a week from now. I hope I get the chance to see him live when he gets back to the States.

Jager, Beer, and Cigarettes

2007-10-27T09:33:00.000-04:00

This is the first post I've ever written while drunk. Remember it, because I won't.

I had an awesome time last night when I went out with J's sister, Jen. Between the Jager bombs, regular shots of Jager, Yuengling drafts, and cigarettes, I was trashed. Wow, I was trashed. And still am.

I don't belong in a hiphop club. I don't fit in with that crowd. But I was dancing with the best of them, and drinking heavier than those lightweights. I find the differences between my crowd and that one to be kind of funny, to be honest. The music alone is enough to blow my mind- my people appreciate fine musicianship and originality, and the hiphop people are all about the beat and the lyrics. Don't get me wrong, I can appreciate that kind of music, but damn, I'd like to give these people a real education.

J stayed home since he had to leave for work at 6:30am, so that party pooper missed out on all the action. He would have gotten a good laugh out of the way people stopped and stared when I passed by to get another drink. Or even the initial impression I made when I first stepped foot in that club. I don't know if it's the crazy long braids or the way I walk around like I'm some sort of rock star, but people just stop what they're doing to watch me. Even Jen made a comment about that when we went to the bathroom early in the night, so I know it's not my paranoia taking over.

I also learned that it's not kosher to flag down the bartenders in that place- you have to stand there and just wait until they get to you. That was a big difference from what I'm used to. Usually when I go up to a bar, I wave to a bartender and they come right over. And tip them for being prompt. Every drink. The whole "serve me first" thing is a bit over the top, but I hate waiting. And I hate waiting for people who don't speak up about what they want.

It was a great night, though it kind of ended on a sour note. I bummed a REGULAR cigarette off this guy named Gary at the end of the night, and that made me sick. I forgot that smoking REGULAR cigarettes while I'm dehydrated sends me into a fit of dry heaves. And it knocks me on my ass. This girl can only handle menthol.

I made quite the exit. Gary carried me out of the club and sat me down on the curb next to a storm drain and held my hair in case I felt that I was going to puke. I didn't. The fresh air was nice. I remember a bouncer asking me if I was driving or not, and I was like, "No way dude, I wouldn't be THIS drunk if I was." And Jen came out a few minutes later to take me home.

I fell asleep in the truck, I was so tired. And Gary had to pull me out, and then catch me before I hit the ground. Before I knew it, Jen had taken my keys out of my jacket and unlocked the door and the two of them helped me up the stairs and into bed with J. J wasn't thrilled about waking up to people in the house and me being trashed, but hey, it happens. I vaguely remember him carrying me to the bathroom around 5am when he thought I was going to puke. Again, it was the dry heaves. How attractive. And then I stood up and walked back to the bedroom like nothing happened.

I woke up around 8:00 this morning to Sharpie lying next to me and wagging her tail, probably happy that I'm still alive. It's 9:30 now, and I'm still drunk. Cool. No hangover. Even better. But damn, I really need to sleep.

Moral of the story? RAIV IS ONLY ALLOWED TO SMOKE MENTHOL CIGARETTES WHILE DRINKING.

Friday Fill-In #4

2007-10-26T12:26:00.000-04:00

1. The last good thing that came in the mail was a check from InboxDollars, oddly enough.

2. This week I'm grateful for my ability to think straight during an emergency.

3. Dark chocolate with raspberry filling is the most delicious thing ever.

4. Great music inspires me.

5. I'm most happy when I am with close friends.

6. And all the roads we have to walk along are rocky at one point or another.

7. As for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to going out to a club with J's sister, tomorrow my plans include blogging and cooking a big dinner and Sunday, I want to chill out before I have to go to work again on Monday!

Want to play? Visit Friday Fill-Ins.

Update on the new blog..

2007-10-23T09:16:00.000-04:00

I've been on a roll with my new blog, Idiot's Guide to Blogging, and can say that I'm pleased with how it's turned out so far. Unfortunately, I don't have the time to come up with new posts every day, so I'm going to have to do all my work on the weekends and set the post times. Meaning.. this blog will be active during the week (because it's so random and quick to do), and the other, as mentioned before, will be taken care of on the weekends.

In the future, I'm going to start two other "Idiot Guide" blogs.. but for right now, one is enough. Two blogs are hard to keep up with, let alone three or four. And with my daily schedule growing busier, there's no way I could pull off something like that. I even had to decline a Halloween party invite for Friday night because things are so hectic around here. At least I'm moving up in the world, and not stuck in that little rut I was in for a while.. that sucked.

Not bad for a crappy camera..

2007-10-20T05:34:00.000-04:00

I caught this amazing photo opportunity the other day at my mother's house. I was taking care of her animals while she and my sister were out of town, and while I was playing with the other two cats, I caught Faithy, the youngest, sitting by the stairs and the light was just PERFECT!

The outcome?

Tadaa! Not bad for a crappy camera.

New blog launched today.

2007-10-19T13:06:00.000-04:00

Today I'm starting a new blog- Idiot's Guide to Blogging. This is something very new to me, so support would be very much appreciated.

I'm also looking to network with bloggers who write about the same topic, and will be creating a link list soon.

I'm working on the template right now, and the basic version should be finished sometime next week, depending on how busy my schedule is. I'm looking forward to exploring a new subject, and hopefully others will benefit from my writing as well.

A photo from Saturday night's show

2007-10-18T10:23:00.001-04:00

Short post today- it's a busy day for me.

Figured I'd post a pic of J and I from last Saturday night. It was taken after several beers, so we look a little funny. It was still early in the night (the opening band was still playing there), so just imagine how we looked when it was all over!

And yes, I need to dye my hair again. It's been about a month now.

Many thanks to Vanessa for sending me the photos she took that night.

Two years gone.. oh how I've changed..

2007-10-17T16:40:00.000-04:00

Today I took some time to look at how I've changed over the past couple years, and I can hardly believe I travelled this far down this long road we call life.

It seems like just yesterday I was a nameless hopeful singing in a coffeeshop after the breakup of my last opera metal band, that little girl who had sang in front of thousands of people in Ohio yet never made it in New York, the place she called home. Several times a week she sang in front of a small audience with an acoustic guitar backing her up.. she was a star in the eyes of a select few.

Those few people also worried about her- she was extremely thin, pale, and cut up. No one dared to voice concern, not that she would listen to them anyway. She was doing what she wanted to do. Years of domestic abuse turned her into a compulsive pill-popping anorectic, and being in the public eye, she fed off the attention others gave her. The thinner she became, the more beautiful she felt. The more people watching, the more drive she had to dig that hole even deeper.

Her home life wasn't like it used to be. Her step-father was finally gone, but she continued to live in the past. Locked in her room all day with music and a journal, she found a twisted sense of inner peace in cutting her skin and recording every calorie eaten and every bit of exercise she did. She hated her mother for nagging her about not doing anything with herself. She hated her psychologists because they couldn't help her. She hated the world and everything in it. And most of all, she hated herself because she believed she was a terrible person and deserved this pain she brought unto herself.

What a way to live.. Sometimes it's hard to see the logic in it, but that's just it- depression and eating disorders aren't logical. Something happens along the way to fool your brain into thinking something that isn't true. In my case, it was abuse from my ex step-father. Over a period of nine years, I was taught to believe that I was insignificant, lazy, and no one cared about me. No one knew about what he did to me during that time because it was everyday life to me. I thought it was the norm.

Then I met J one day and we became good friends and bandmates. I visited him at his apartment every day because he had nothing but his computer- no furniture, no bed to sleep on, no form of entertainment other than his bass guitar, and he was struggling to keep food in the kitchen. He had recently gotten out of his second bad relationship (the stupid bitch screwed him over several times) and when he moved back up here, he had little money and no one to hang out with. He had been through many hard times of his own, and I felt I could relate to many of his experiences. Only a month after we met, we figured out that we completed one another.

Soon enough he introduced me to his friends and the band that he worked for, and suddenly I was thrown into another world. I like to look at it as my second chance at life because, in all honesty, I was going to die.

My new friends found out I could sing, and not long after, I was brought onto the stage with a few older, more experienced bands, and felt that high you get when a crowd of people are dancing in front of you and a group of established musicians are behind you, creating this groove that becomes this massive wave of energy that I cannot even begin to explain. It was amazing. And little by little, I began to feel better and more confident in myself.

I've had some awesome experiences with celebrities too. I hung out and drank shots at the bar with SOiL. I worked with a production company for a Disciple show, and got to eat dinner and hang with the guys a bit. I was invited on stage by Joe from Stemm, and briefly sang into the mic with TJ. These are a few of the many amazing experiences I will never forget.. and there are more to come. There are a lot of opportunities on the horizon.

Confidence and knowledge came like a whirlwind. I became a whole new person in no time at all. And with J giving me the emotional support I needed, I overcame most of my insecurities.

I won't lie- I still have my bad days. There are many days where I sit at home and do absolutely nothing. I've never been diagnosed with bipolar disorder, but I believe I have it, and every psychologist I had talked to said there was a strong possibility that I do. I haven't seen a real doctor in years, and probably won't for a couple more, so it was never made official.

There are days when all I want to do is sit in front of the tv, get baked, and laugh at all the stupid commercials. And I do now and then. And I'm okay with it because I've come a long way and life is hectic. Everyone needs a break every once in a while.

I called my mom the other day and thanked her for putting up with me during my worst times. I told her how I resented her and that I can't even begin to explain how sorry I really am for everything I put her through. I wasn't myself, I was lost to the world. She told me not to be sorry because none of it was my fault, and admitted that she felt bad for not knowing and overlooking all the signs that were right in front of her. She's happy to know I'm doing well now, but she still kicks herself for letting it all happen. But how could she really know? She was working all the time and I was too afraid to tell her about it, and I explained this but she still feels guilty about it all. I can only hope one day soon she can fully let it go like I did.

It truly hurts me to see thousands of people going through the same troubles I had.. and if I could only tell them one thing, it would be NO MATTER HOW LOST YOU ARE, THERE IS ALWAYS HOPE. THERE IS ALWAYS THAT LIGHT AT THE END OF THE TUNNEL. IF YOU CAN DREAM IT, YOU CAN BE IT.. AND HAPPINESS IS WAITING FOR YOU, WHENEVER YOU'RE READY TO ACCEPT IT INTO YOUR LIFE.

Poll: What web browser do you use?

2007-10-16T21:26:00.000-04:00

TMI Tuesday #2

2007-10-16T09:01:00.000-04:00

1. What was the first movie you saw on a date?
Oh geez.. I can't remember. It was too long ago.

2. Who was the first person you kissed on a date? [First name is fine.]
That would be Brandon, my first boyfriend. I was 16 at the time. (I didn't date much back in school.. guys didn't like me. lol)

3. Where was the first place you ever "parked" (on a date)?
I'm not sure.. I think it was on a plot of land that belonged to some super-religious people. (To this day, I swear it's a small cult.)

4. Have you ever gone on a date with someone you met via the internet? If not, would you?
I wouldn't really call it a date. We decided to meet up one day and we hit it off. We were romantic for a short time, but nothing serious. He made a better friend than a boyfriend.

5. What is the most romantic thing you have done on a first date?
One guy showed up at my door with a white rose, then we went to a cool Chinese restaurant where they cook in front of you, took a short walk, and then went for coffee at the end of the night. It was only a one night thing though- we had been friends for years and he wanted me to know how he felt about me before he left for the military. He did a lot to make our evening special and I'll never forget it.

Bonus (as in optional):Describe the best date you have ever been on.
See above.. it was the most romantic. Then there was that night last year when I went to that Tool concert with the guys. J and I had seats seperate from the others so we were together all through the show. We were BLAZED that night. Then we stopped to stuff our faces at a cool 50's style truck stop afterwards. We were pretty rowdy, but we left the waitress a good tip to make up for the trouble we gave her. All in all, it was an awesome trip. It's hard to top that one.

Blog Action Day

2007-10-15T15:09:00.000-04:00

Hi kids, and welcome to Blog Action Day, a day when thousands of bloggers write about environmental issues.

I am no environmentalist, so I won't be writing in detail about ozone depletion or acid rain or the hundreds of other problems we have. I am going to explain some simple everyday things you can do to help conserve our planet.

Some of the things listed here may not seem like much, or too much hassle for something so insignificant. But think about it- little things add up. The more people taking the time to do these things, the more effective they will be.

1) Recycle. This is a no-brainer. Have you ever gone to a garbage dump and notice all the things that could have been recycled? People are extremely wasteful.. or lazy. I can't decide.

2) Fix any water leaks ASAP. If you can't do it yourself, find someone who can. This is usually an inexpensive job, and it will cost you less to fix it right away than it will be to let it go. A simple drip can add up to a gallon or more a day. Now multiply that by the number of days you let it go.. And some people wonder why their water bills are so high.

3) Instead of throwing food in the trash, make a compost pile. Your lawn and garden will thank you later.

4) Turn off your computer when you're not using it, or if you spend a lot of time online, at least turn off your monitor. Screen savers do not conserve energy. You need to actually turn the monitor off.

5) Wash your clothes with warm or cold water. There is no need to use hot water on your clothes. So why bother?

6) Turn off the lights when leaving a room, even if it is for a short time.

7) If you live in an older home, have the paint tested for lead. If it tests positive, cover your walls with wallpaper rather than sanding or burning it off.

8) Take your own cup to work or the store where you buy coffee. If you're an avid caffeine guzzler like I am, all those disposable cups add up quick.

9) Use recycled paper. It's cheap. You have no reason not to.

10) Don't use a wood stove or fireplace when air quality is poor. Also, avoid slow-burning fires. They produce the most smoke.

11) Use an electric lawn mower instead of one powered by gas.

12) Leave your grass clippings on your lawn. It may not look very nice for a couple days, but they decompose and help the soil.

13) If you must use pesticides, look for organic alternatives. Or plant marigolds.

14) Instead of driving to a nearby place, walk or ride a bike. You could use the exercise, and save the air at the same time.

15) Put your outdoor lights on a timer.

These are only a few ways to conserve the environment. There are hundreds more. What other ways can you think of?

Thoughtful Blogger Award

2007-10-13T05:22:00.000-04:00

The other day, Chris gave me the Thoughtful Blogger Award (thank you!), and now it's my turn to present it to a few others.

1) I have to give it back to Chris because she's been so great in so many ways. Her link is all over my blog for many different reasons.

2) X - Such a cool, funny guy. I always go to his blog for a chuckle or two. Also a regular reader and commenter. :)

3) Nathan Pralle - I don't know much about him yet, but I've fallen in love with his blog and like his outlook on the world. He's also a model blogger- great content and often replies to his comments. I'm always happy when I logon to see that he's stopped by recently.

4) Steven Wilson - Another nice guy who's always dropping in here and on MyBlogLog. I'd like to get to know him better.

So.. TAG, YOU'RE IT! Time for you guys to spread some love.

The Saturday Special #4

2007-10-13T05:11:00.001-04:00

~Creative Adventure VI~
Time again to use your imagination ;-} Fill in the blanks.

1. While driving home from work you stop in front of the city's hugh library building to pick up 2 books titled The DaVinci Code and The Andromeda Strain.

2. Upon entering the library through the front door you notice the lights are dimmer than usual.

3. Walking through the many aisles of books you hear slow, heavy breathing.

4. You check out your books, smile to yourself and quietly pass the old guy sleeping in the reading area.

Want to play? Visit The Saturday Special.

Blog Action Day - Get Involved!

2007-10-12T15:31:00.000-04:00

"What would happen if every blog published posts discussing the same issue, on the same day?"

October 15th (that's two days from now!) is Blog Action Day, a day when bloggers come together and write about the environment. Are you going to join in?

Friday Fill-In #3

2007-10-12T14:19:00.000-04:00

1. Once upon a time it was warm outside.. what happened?

2. If I hear any screaming and door slamming from the neighbors today, I'm gonna give them a piece of my mind. I'm in no mood for any BS.

3.I love white tea and ginger.

4. Way down in the back of my mind, I'm very insecure.. but I will never show it.

5. Keys are a hassle when you've got over 5 you have to deal with on a daily basis; locks are just as troublesome.

6. Have you seen my baking skills? They're so BAD!

7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to cooking a nice dinner for J, tomorrow my plans include shopping with my mom in the morning and going out with friends in the evening, and Sunday, I want to relax and recover from a possible hangover!

Want to play? Visit Friday Fill-In.

Wordless Wednesday #6

2007-10-10T09:39:00.000-04:00

Manic Monday #2

2007-10-08T08:30:00.000-04:00

Which month of the year do you think best describes your personality?
Well.. definitely not December, that's for sure! Probably July- warm, sunny, and a great time for parties. And I don't have to worry about freezing my arse off when I'm standing out behind the clubs for a cigarette break with the guys.

If you could have had the starring role in an existing movie, which movie would you pick?
I have no idea.. I don't watch many movies. Maybe Emily in The Exorcism of Emily Rose. I always thought it'd be cool to play someone who was possessed.

Are you attracted to people whose personalities are very similar to your personaltiy or very different?
I like to hang out with people who are similar to me, but with a few differences. I tend to hang with musicians, mostly guys, with strong personalities and a great sense of humor. There is never a dull (or quiet) moment when I'm out with them.

Want to play? Visit Manic Monday.

Situation Sunday #1

2007-10-07T07:15:00.000-04:00

Situation # 1
What is your first reaction, and what do you do when you accidentally walk in on an "unpredicted" situation....Scenario-- your child or a relative masturbating?
Walk out and leave them be. Everyone does it at least once in their lives. It's natural and healthy. Why be embarrassed or do anything about it? He/she would most likely be embarrassed already, why make it worse?

Situation # 2
You are a a state park and you and a friend are going to do some hiking. It is a beautiful day. The weather is perfect. You both decide to take the Blue Trail, which is a total of 6 miles of rugged terrain. As you go along having a wonderful hike,{ 2.5 miles into it} one of you needs to venture off the path for a moment for a nature call. As that person is away the other feels like someone is following or watching them. They seem to be waiting a while for the other to return... and finally starts calling their name and no response. And the feeling that some one else is watching is growing stronger-......you hear your friend scream then sudden silence.....What do you do?......{No cell phones}
GET OUT OF THERE. In this case, my friend would be either dead or unconscious and when you're that far out, there is very little you can do, especially if there's a killer or monster or whatever out there. Get to safety as quickly as possible, making as little noise as possible, and get the police out there to handle it. There is no sense in risking your own life to try to save someone who is probably already dead.

Situation # 3
You have recently purchased this home in a great neighborhood. You have a deck on the back of the house, a nice lawn and a swing hangs from two white birch trees. You have grown accustomed to going out on your deck and having your morning coffee after all have left the home in the morning.....Spouse to work....Kids to school. And you notice no wind is blowing but the swing starts swinging back and forth....as you venture closer to it....you hear giggles and you can see a clear pattern of a butt print on the seat......What do you do?
I like this one. :) I am no stranger to weird situations like this, as I've grown up in a house with its "quirks", and even now, odd things happen in my current apartment. I think that stuff's just drawn to me.. Anyway, I would try to see or sense something there, and try to talk to it. If you're hearing giggles, there's a possibility that it would talk to you. I'd try to find out who it is. When weird stuff happens outside my home, I'm not frightened. It's when I'm home alone and things start falling off the kitchen counter that scares me. I'd eventually go inside and do a couple small rituals to try to prevent stuff from happening in the house, and save my sanity. I'd also refrain from redecorating too much until I was sure things would be all right.

Want to play? Visit Situation Sunday.

Kids these days..

2007-10-07T05:08:00.000-04:00

I was checking my MySpace messages when I came across one, titled "hi", from a 17-year-old guy from Ohio (who will remain anonymous). I have no idea who he is, and he wrote:

may I ask you a Question? How can i play 69 ? I'm still a virgin .

My reply:

I hope you're not serious.

I thought that was the end of that, but I thought wrong. He decided to try again:

hey I'm really serious. i wanna learn how to do that . so plz teach me..

WTF? Why me, of all people? I have never seen this kid before in my life, never talked to him, nothing. If he's looking for that kind of stuff, there are plenty of other people and websites out there. It'd be so much easier to do a simple Google search, rather than wasting time trying to convince me to do something I want no part of. I replied once more:

Dude, you're a minor. I'm not even going to THINK of going there.

Go burn your teenage hormones on someone else. Please.

Questions

2007-10-06T17:55:00.000-04:00

me: "I have a serious question."

J: "What's that?"

me: "What's it like to have a penis?"

J: "Well.. what's it like to have boobs?"

me: "I don't know, I'll tell you when I grow some."

He never did answer my question.

The Saturday Special #3

2007-10-06T09:22:00.000-04:00

~Words Ending in AKE ~ I Say You Answer~

1. Earthquake... A few more drinks and I'll blame it on my shoes.

2. Peaceful Lake... Let's wake it up with some Sea-Doos!

3. Chocolate Cake... Can't complain, but can we do vanilla next time?

4. Snowflake... Pretty, but way too cold for my liking.

Want to play? Visit The Saturday Special.

Friday Fill-In #2

2007-10-05T15:38:00.000-04:00

1. If I were a tree I would be a redwood because they are tall, strong, and have survived all that the world has thrown at them.

2. If I were a bird I would fly over New York City. I've always wanted to see it from above and never got the chance to.

3. If I were a book I hope I would be The DaVinci Code by Dan Brown.. controversial and brilliant. I want to make a difference by showing people that there is more than one acceptable way to look at the world, and that things are not always as they seem.

4. If I were a car I'd be sleek, hot, and leaving y'all in the dust.

5. If I could get rid of one piece of technology it would definitely be self-checkouts at the supermarket because THEY NEVER WORK!

6. If I could get rid of one bad habit at a snap of the fingers it would be procrastination. I'll explain my reasoning later.

7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to having a few drinks with J, tomorrow my plans include lazily sitting around the house, blogging, and maybe taking the dog and snake for a walk, and Sunday, I want to visit my family!

Want to play? Visit Friday Fill-In.

Thursday Thirteen #4

2007-10-04T10:18:00.000-04:00

The 13 bands/artists who influenced me, my music, and my attitude the most (in no particular order):

1) Alice in Chains - My very first cd was Flies in a Jar, which was given to me at a young age, and I've listened to them ever since.

2) Evanescence - A band led by a girl who followed her dreams and actually achieved them, and I watched her grow up in the spotlight. It's inspiring. Amy Lee is the musician I have the most in common with.

3) Lacuna Coil - Another female led band, but from Italy, with style and attitude. A lot of my musical inspiration comes from listening to them.

4) Marilyn Manson - THE MOST BRILLIANT LYRICIST EVER! He's the Madonna of the goth rock world (forgive me for using that analogy), always cutting edge, always changing and not afraid to try something new. I don't care how weird he is, he's a god.

5) Korn - Though I'm a little disappointed with the latest album (it took me a while to adjust to the new sound), Korn is and always will be one of my favorite bands. Like Jonathan Davis, I had a hard childhood and found music to be the best therapy.

6) Tool - I've always liked music that was different from all the crap you hear on the radio. The first day I heard Tool, I fell in love with them and couldn't stop listening.

7) A Perfect Circle - Another one of Maynard James Keenan's projects (see Tool). Even today, I still can't stop listening to Mer de Noms and Thirteenth Step.. too bad the band didn't make it as far as they should have. This is my meditation music.

8) Nightwish - Classical music is where my roots are, so when a friend introduced me to this Finnish opera metal band, a whole new world opened up for me. The old Nightwish (with Tarja Turunen) drove me to push my vocals to the next level, and beyond. I sang their songs day in and day out, and eventually got to the point where I now use them as part of a warmup for practices and shows. Without this inspiration, I would have never found my four-octave vocal range. Also, Tuomas Holopainen (keys and lead composer) is a hero of mine and inspires me to keep playing my keyboard, trying new things, and creating symphonies instead of just songs.

9) Coheed and Cambria - If you can get over Claudio's odd voice, C&C is amazing. I've spent hours contemplating the lyrics and the meanings behind them, and like the other bands, I love the originality of the music.

10) Breaking Benjamin - One of the few new mainstream bands I listen to. They're hard, melodic, and definitely have their stuff together. I often find myself singing their music while I'm at work.

11) Slipknot - Amazing, definitely amazing. As if the guitars, turntables, and samples aren't enough, they've got three solid drummers pushing the limit. That's right- three drummers, one band.

12) Metallica - It's Metallica.. Need I say more?

13) Dream Theater - THE MOST AMAZING BAND ON THE FACE OF THE PLANET. Also the most underrated. It's a friggin' shame that most people have never even heard of them.. they are by far the most talented group of musicians that has ever set foot on a stage. You don't know music until you've listened to Dream Theater.

This post was so hard to write. I had to cut great bands like Black Sabbath, Black Label Society, KISS, and so many others. I hate doing that.

Just because my doggy is awesome.

2007-10-03T14:57:00.000-04:00

A big thanks to Chris for putting Sharpie up as "Dog of the Day" on her blog, Diet & Skin Allergies in Dogs. Now everyone can see my cute, fuzzy, troublesome critter staring at them from the top right corner of the page. Also, if you're a dog freak, join her MyBlogLog community.

Another TMI post..

2007-10-03T00:19:00.000-04:00

Okay ladies, remember that second (maybe third?) growth spurt you went through? You know, that extra "oomph" you get in your early 20's? I've got to talk about that one today.

As many of you know, I'm 21, will be 22 in a couple months. And I HAVE NO BOOBS. (Okay, I lied, I have a little bit. Nothing to brag about though.) Over the past week, they've been a little tender, to the point of wanting to smack J every time he pokes them.. which is just short of 100 times a day. Today I noticed that one has grown larger than the other, which was disheartening since I've been well balanced for as long as I can remember. Is there hope for me? Should the other grow to match? (LOL!) The last thing I want is for J to follow me around the house saying, "YOUR BOOB IS BORKED!" for the next few years.

TMI Tuesday #1

2007-10-02T06:36:00.000-04:00

1. Early bird or night owl?
Both. I go to bed late and get up early.. I don't get much sleep, other than a midday nap.

2. If you could only be one, would you rather be smart or good looking?
Only one? Are you kidding me? Well.. I guess I would have to choose good looking. I think first impressions are very important. They make or break you. As long as I'm smart enough not to say something stupid, it's all good.

3. Do you gossip?
I try not to. At least not that catty gossip crap. It's kind of different in my world, we talk about the bands we know, like "(Name here) is calling it quits. (Band) is done as of October. They're announcing their last shows next week." We just like to keep up with the latest stuff before the public knows.

4. On a scale of 1-10, how adventurous are you? (1 is lowest, 10 is highest)
I guess it depends on who is involved. If it's just me, I'm not all that adventurous, maybe 6 on the scale. But if friends are involved, it jumps up to an 8. It's not about peer pressure, it's about confidence.

5. On a scale of 1-10, how good a kisser do you think you are? ( ditto )
I'd say 8, but I've been told 100. Guys love my lips, but I can think of a few improvements to make it so much better. I'm a very sensual person.

Bonus (as in optional):What do you consider the biggest turn on out of the following? a) lingerie b) movies c) toys d) role playing e) leather f) none of this does anything for me
I'd have to say lingerie. It makes me feel beautiful. (Again with the confidence thing.)

Want to play? Go to TMI Tuesday.

Poll: Where does your blog traffic come from?

2007-10-01T09:53:00.000-04:00

I'm always curious as to where other bloggers are getting their traffic from. Vote, link to your top blog, share your answer, and invite your friends to join in! (Javascript must be enabled.)

Manic Monday #1

2007-10-01T07:11:00.000-04:00

Another meme..

If technology was sufficiently advanced, would you be willing to clone yourself?
No way! The world isn't ready for two of me.. or more.. We'd be very destructive.

At the local grocery store you see an elderly woman shoplift a chicken. Do you tell the management?
This is a hard one. I guess it would depend on the person.. some people need to do whatever it takes to survive. If the old woman seemed as if she couldn't afford to eat, I'd keep my mouth shut and pretend I didn't see anything. But if she stole it just to get it for free, I would probably say something. I'm not one to rat people out, but if people are constantly taking advantage of others just to get a free ride through life, that isn't right, it doesn't matter who you are.

If you could be 8 years old again for an entire day, knowing what you know now, how would you spend it?
Does this involve going back in time, or being 8 in the present? There are so many simple things I could have changed in the past to make life a lot better for myself and my family, but that would mean not having the beautiful little sister I have today, probably never meeting J, and I would not become the strong person I am now.. I guess if I was 8 again, I would do the same things I did back then- just play and enjoy being a kid again. They say ignorance is bliss.. if I can't be ignorant at that age, what's the point of being it at all? I'd rather be knowledgable and able to do all the things I want to do rather than be held back because of my age.

Want to play? Visit Manic Monday.

MyBlogLog loves me!

2007-09-30T05:32:00.000-04:00

I logged on this morning to find myself listed as a "Hot Member" on MyBlogLog. That explains the crapload of visitors to my profile..

This just made my morning! :) Kind of like a pint of ice cream on those PMS days. Or that day my stalker decided to stop following me last year. Or a 2 lb bag of peanut M&Ms. Or even a brand new pair of black combat boots.

Does anyone know how people are chosen for this?

Addicted to MyBlogLog

2007-09-29T05:23:00.000-04:00

I came across a website called MyBlogLog not too long ago, and already it's become an addiction. It's been.. what? Almost a week now? And I have 98 friends, several messages being posted on my page every day, and 24 members in my blog community. And by the end of the day, I can guarantee there will be more.. because MyBlogLog is busy. There are so many bloggers there, I can't believe I'd never heard of it before! It's the MySpace for bloggers.

So bloggers, if you're looking to make new friends/fans and get a little more traffic to your blog, check it out. You won't be disappointed.

** And I'd like to thank those who've joined my community and drop in here on a regular basis. You guys are great. :) **

The Saturday Special #2

2007-09-29T00:39:00.000-04:00

~Creative Adventure V~
Time again to use your imagination ;-} Fill in the blanks.

1. While hiking in one of the many trails in the State Forest, you come across a strange rock.

2. You bend down to study the object more carefully, when suddenly it grows legs and runs off!

3. Just below the clearing you see this wonderous colony of strange three-legged rocks, big and small, young and old.

4. With much to remember on this hiking trip, you go home and blog about it, wondering whether anyone would actually believe such a crazy story.

Want to play? Visit The Saturday Special.

Korn concert, take two.

2007-09-28T09:16:00.000-04:00

Due to other priorities, J and I won't be attending that Korn concert I posted about last week. Turns out we're too busy with all the other stuff on our plates. I'm so bummed about it, but we're going to try to catch them the next time around. They'll be back.

Thursday Thirteen #3

2007-09-27T08:26:00.000-04:00

My 13 favorite songs (in no particular order):

1) "Endless Sacrifice" - Dream Theater

2) "Ghost Love Score" - Nightwish

3) "Enter Sandman" - Metallica

4) "Sweet Child O' Mine" - Guns N' Roses

5) "10,000 Days (Wings Pt. 2)" - Tool

6) "When Doves Cry" - Prince

7) "Another Brick in the Wall" - Pink Floyd

8) "Iron Man" - Black Sabbath

9) "Alone I Break" - Korn

10) "Heart-Shaped Box" - Nirvana

11) "Man in the Box" - Alice in Chains

12) "Halflife" - Lacuna Coil

13) "Dream On" - Aerosmith

Wordless Wednesday #5

2007-09-26T09:23:00.001-04:00

Check out this blog.

2007-09-26T07:35:00.000-04:00

Meet Chris. Such a nice woman, not to mention helpful. I met her on MyBlogLog and she's given me all sorts of help with my Sharpie problems. If you have a dog or two or three or twenty, read her blog! It has all sorts of doggy diet tips and you'll be glad you read it.

The Everyday BS

2007-09-25T09:47:00.000-04:00

Downstairs neighbors. I can't stand it anymore- that constant yelling and door slamming. Like they have it so hard.. especially the guy my age. I'll call him Mr. Loudmouth. He may have a slight mental setback, but having ADHD is not a valid reason to act like a retard. He is not a retard. He just needs to grow up and realize that he's getting a free ride and stop complaining about it all. And ENOUGH WITH THAT DOOR ALREADY.

He yells at the older folk..

SLAM!

A few cd's fall off my shelf.

He yells at the dogs..

SLAM!

A few more cd's fall off the shelf.

Yells at the old folk some more..

SLAM! SLAM! SLAM!

There goes the rest of my music collection.

I'm going to lose it if I have to listen to this crap much longer.

How to survive work on a Monday.

2007-09-24T11:31:00.000-04:00

Monday, Monday.. I hate you so. Change the words to the annoying music playing over the PA system.

Take several trips to get a drink.

Now drain your bladder after filling it with all that liquid.

Pick your wedgie for the security camera. Or your nose.

Throw things at your fellow coworkers. Then smile innocently when your boss passes by.

Leave things in the way of the Russian cleaning guy's floor buffer. Not purposely, of course.. he's too nice to pick on.

Sing over the PA system.

Smile brightly and bid everyone farewell as you leave early.

Blog Traffic For Dummies

2007-09-24T03:14:00.000-04:00

It's simple:

1) Blog about Britney Spears.
2) Blog about Paris Hilton.
3) Blog about Britney Spears and Paris Hilton.
4) Blog about blogging.
5) Mention the word "blog" as much as possible.

And there you have it.

The Poo War

2007-09-23T06:49:00.000-04:00

This is Sharpie. Cute, right? Smart as a whip, too. Well, as far as dogs go.

But for the past year, I've been dealing with a problem I now call "the poo war".

She's well trained, more than any other dog I know. She can sit, lie down, get my shoes for me, and she knows perfectly well that her toilet is outdoors.

But lately she's been acting out. Leaving her alone is like giving your 5-year-old child full reign of the house. Leaving her on the couch with a toy and the tv on is not enough. She has to go and take a dump in my nice big walk-in closet when I forget to shut her in the living room, as if to say, "Hey Mom! Screw you for leaving me alone like this!" Like taking her out before I leave is not good enough, her poo is too good to waste on that bush outside. It's almost like she's purposely holding in her load and praying for me to leave the living room door open. What a spiteful bitch.

Punishing her has no effect. It only makes her afraid of me for an hour or so, and then she does it again when the next opportunity arises. She's not stupid, she knows it's wrong, but she does it anyway. I'm going to lose my mind if it doesn't stop soon.

How do I break her of this?

Korn concert?

2007-09-22T06:59:00.000-04:00

Next month, Korn is playing down in Wilkesbarre, PA.. same place I went for that Tool concert.. and today I've got J looking for some tickets.

The opening acts are HellYeah, Five Finger Deathpunch, and Droid.

Do you have any idea what this means? IT'S GOING TO BE AN AWESOME SHOW! Like.. the show of the year! Thousands of people gathering in one place to see some amazing bands. Beer. Merch stands galore. Afterparties. Pre-show parties in people's vans. Did I mention beer? And LOUD MUSIC. God, I love big concerts.

I'll have to tell my boss not to schedule me October 10th or 11th when I go back to work on Monday. It's going to be another long trip. And I can't wait. More on this later.

The Saturday Special #1

2007-09-22T06:13:00.000-04:00

~Autumn Favorites~

1. Favorite Autumn Activity?:
Taking a drive through the country and looking at the colorful scenery.

2. Favorite Autumn Meal?:
Is there a special autumn meal? If there is, I don't know about it. Baked macaroni and cheese is one of my favorite dishes though.

3. Favorite Autumn Drink?:
Hot cider! I look forward to it every year.

4. Favorite Autumn Weather?:
I love when it's warm and sunny with a light breeze. No need for a jacket, just a short-sleeved top, jeans, and a pair of sunglasses.

Want to play? Visit The Saturday Special.

Announcing my new URL

2007-09-21T15:12:00.001-04:00

I finally recovered from my bout of laziness and shortened my web address to raivyn.co.nr. More fitting than that mile-long Blogspot address, is it not?

Friday Fill-In #1

2007-09-21T10:54:00.000-04:00

1. I think I might write my mother an email.. it's been a while.

2. I desire a couple shots of Jager.

3. What if I found that perfect apartment sooner than expected?

4. The best thing about today is the sun and warm weather.

5. When will things clear up at work?

6. The best thing that happened to me so far this week was going to that new Chinese restaurant with J last night.

7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to going out for a few drinks, tomorrow my plans include writing new music and possibly visiting my family and Sunday, I want to just chill out!

Want to play? Visit Friday Fill-In.

Wordless Wednesday #4

2007-09-19T12:29:00.000-04:00

And I still can't cook.

2007-09-18T18:12:00.000-04:00

With all I've learned recently about cooking, I still haven't mastered pancakes.. not from scratch, but the "just add water" kind. They tasted all right, but it was one big mess.

I used nonstick cooking spray and everything.. maybe it was the pan?

Michael Tilson Thomas made me stop and think..

2007-09-17T03:37:00.000-04:00

Mr. Thomas posted an interesting question on Yahoo! Answers that hit me like a load of bricks:

Through performing, music education and electronic media, the San Francisco Symphony and I strive to make classical music accessible to all. How has classical music impacted your life?

How has classical music influenced my life? Wow.. so many ways.

Classical music is where my roots are. That is what I was originally trained in, and I studied it all through school. I was going through some of the hardest times of my life back then and what I found in this genre is too much for me to describe. It was my home, a safe haven for me to channel my emotions- all the anger, hurt, and sadness I felt. It was my fantasy land. It showed me the past, days when I was happy. And it showed me the future, when I would finally be free from those troubles.

It also taught me a lot of the technical stuff- key, time signature, things like that.. and most of all, it taught me that the possibilities are endless. If you can dream it, you can write it, and this can be applied to everything in life, not just music. I learned to believe in myself.

Though I don't listen to classical music nearly as much as I once did (I fell in love with the hard rock/metal genres), I can say that it is the reason I listen to amazing, underrated bands like Nightwish, Dream Theater, and Dimmu Borgir, and not all that mainstream pop and rap you hear on the radio. It is the reason I write my own music with a bit of an epic, classical theme. I still have my fantasy world, but with rougher edges, a little more anger and sorrow to feed the darker side of my mind.

I wish everyone could get a proper education in classical music. It teaches people to appreciate music for what it really is, not for the "uber hott!" singer who hires someone else to write lyrics and put them to a simple, unimaginitive beat and melody. Real music is about expression and storytelling (not necessarily classical or metal.. there is great music in all genres).

It is what I live for.

B-list?

2007-09-16T13:14:00.000-04:00

No way. No friggin way am I going to accept this one..

I know, I know, it's my fault I don't post as often as I should. I'm trying to change that, despite my busy schedule. Expect to see more entries from me soon.. I won't disappoint you.

* * *

Help me rise to the top- LINK TO ME!!!

And you won't walk away empty-handed, of course. Let me know where I can find your link and I'll return the favor. I'm nice like that. ;)

I speak Drunkenese. Who knew?

2007-08-26T09:36:00.000-04:00

After a long, exciting night up in Corning, NY with my boys (and girl), I had to wake up at 6am to make sure Mr. Caveman got out the door to work on time. I was still drunk at that time, stumbling around the house and yelling at my partner in crime to wake up.

Finally he got out of bed and I immediately crashed after saying something along the lines of, "Dun forgt yer sub, crap in car, night." How attractive.

I guess I slept for a few minutes because I don't remember what happened during that time, but I came to as he was just about ready to leave and realized that I was overheating. Unable to get up from the soft bed to turn on the air conditioner, I immediately began yelling, "AZ! AZ!" into my pillow. Like that was going to work. And it didn't occur to me to take off my sweatshirt and the two heavy blankets that were covering me.

And to top it off..

"DOG! DOG, NO!"

"What's wrong?"

"THE DOG!"

"She's sleeping on the couch."

"WUZZAT NOISE?"

"The air conditioner."

"Uh."

Some days I have no idea why he even puts up with me. But then again, if he was completely trashed and unable to function, I'd take care of him too.

RAIV LOVES CORNING! LOTS OF JAGER!

This comment amuses me.

2007-08-21T18:23:00.000-04:00

Well, I finally got some time to update here and came across this oh-so-witty comment from Mac C Da Pimp on my last post:

"you are carpetmuncher and love to eat Conch. How much more of a dyke can you be? the possibilitys are endless unless you stay psychedelic your doomed. this is just a comment from a real mutha fucka from broward county so get on my fuckin level (954) 292 5903

July 31, 2007 10:34 PM"

Well.
I'm quite impressed with your typing and vocabulary. I expected less from someone like you.

I'd also like to mention that I'm ten times straighter than you will ever be. Come on, Mac C Da Pimp? Is that really your name? I'm willing to bet you're just some dorky ass wannabe who gets beaten up a lot. Either that or gay. (I apologize to any gays whom I may have offended. I have no problem with homosexuality and hardly ever mock it, situations like this being the exception.)

And I don't want to know whether you're a "mutha fucka" or not. Your personal life is not my business.

Broward County? Where the hell is that? And why would I care where you're from?

And why are you giving me your number? Is this how you try to pick up dates? Dude.. you've got a long way to go. You will never be a pimp with those moves.

Word.

Thursday Thirteen #2

2007-05-10T20:46:00.000-04:00

Thirteen reasons why people hate me:

1) I always manage to draw attention from everyone in the room, whether it be my dress or my hair or whatever. Everyone likes to check out the freak.. and trash her, too.

2) I beat up guys who disrespect me.

3) Sometimes I let my mouth run away with me.

4) I have the build of a runway model.

5) LOUD AND PROUD, BABY!

6) I have a lot of big guy friends. I do my thing and because of them, a lot of people won't mess with me. They'll just stand back and say bad things about me. Whatever.

7) Some people have their heads too far up their arseholes to accept someone who is different than them.

8) I can be quite rude at times. Often.

9) I'm misunderstood.

10) I don't look for drama, but it always seems to find me.. And I usually win that game. It's not my fault people jump in unarmed.

11) Bipolar mood swings.

12) I know the band personally and won't let the groupies use me to get to the musicians.

13) I hate Mondays and make everyone else hate them too.

It's been a while.

2007-05-10T19:48:00.000-04:00

Aaaand.. I'm back!

I don't know why I even left this blog in the first place.. I think it was because all sorts of new things started happening in my life and I was too busy to post regularly. But anyway, here we go.. I'm gonna give it a shot yet again. Especially now that I see this blog has a Google PR of 4. That was a bit of a surprise.

I've also got me a decent camera, so I can post some better pics. I hated having to rely on my cell, which is down now, so to those who have that number- DON'T CALL ME. I'll be getting a new phone here sometime in the near future.

During my time away from this blog, I started another one to feed my UO addiction. And to keep track of how far I've progressed in the game. It's mostly about the plants, but there will be other stuff there too. Check it out- UO Plant Blog.

More later when I get the time..

Soil totally ROCKED the Amp the other night.

2006-12-08T15:50:00.000-05:00

I'm back again, and what better way to start off a string of new posts with some pictures from a killer show? I got hooked up since I went with the production crew.. definitely a night to remember.

The performance was awesome, I hung out with the guys for a while and drank to Dimebag (R.I.P. dude.. you will always be remembered), and I went home with some great memories, free merch, and a few new friends.

On hiatus.

2006-11-08T14:21:00.000-05:00

Hey guys, I'll be gone for a couple weeks. Things are extremely hectic around here.

To summarize, I have doubled my keyboard practice time, I'm sorting out all sorts of band crap, still looking for that extra job, the back window of the car got knocked out this morning (so pissed off about that one), and John's name has been brought up to the police for harrassment issues. Hopefully they'll keep a close watch on that retard.

I need to get things straightened out and then I'll be back soon enough.

Some days I want to bash his face into the ground.. and this is one of them.

2006-10-27T04:14:00.000-04:00

For once, I am going to disregard my internet humiliation morals..

Why?

Because this idiot has ticked me off way too many times.

Yes, John, the ex guitarist for my band (currently playing for Custom Driver), has officially become the biggest psycho I know. He's been ON MY ROOF, he shows up where I am far too often, he's talked A LOT of crap about me behind my back (I'd have SOME respect for him if he was ballsy enough to say it to my face.. but he's a wuss. Sucks to be him), and after sending him a not-so-nice warning email, I have been led to believe that he's recently tried to turn me in for more personal issues involving my animals. Cheap shot.

Animal cruelty is one of the last things I'd EVER be turned in for. I love animals more than most people. This struck my last nerve.

At a time when I feel the world is out to get me, I get THIS added drama. No thank you, I'm not putting up with it. As soon as I get legal evidence for everything, I'll gladly take it to court. This retard has already served time in jail, and I highly doubt they'd let him off with his record. And I definitely could use the money right now.

Two words to sum it up:
F*CK YOU.

Wordless Wednesday #3

2006-10-25T13:37:00.000-04:00

Tuesday's Tales #2

2006-10-24T12:55:00.001-04:00

Hobbies, we all have them, some of us have more time than others to induldge in them, but we still have them.

- What is your hobby?
I have several- music is my main one (although it's a little more than a hobby now), but I also like bowling and web design.

- How have your hobbies changed over the years?
No drastic changes, most of my hobbies were about self expression. It all started with dance at the age of three (and continued for many years), and then I got into music and fire baton twirling and theater and drawing and painting and photography and graphic design and a bajillion other things. And I've excelled at them all.

- Is there something else you want to learn to do?
I think it would be awesome to learn to play a twelve string guitar. I've always been fascinated with those.

- How did you get into your hobby?
As far as the music thing goes, I've had a strong interest in it my entire life. Even at a very young age, I would sing and dance around the house. Then I started learning music theory and how to play the flute in school. Then I taught myself a little guitar (which I'm still slowly doing). A couple months into that, I got an offer to play bass even though I'd never really played before, and caught on to that in a couple weeks. And then that's when my voice fully developed- I could do the harsh metal growls and snap to opera within a second. I knew then singing was going to be my main focus. Then at the start of September of last year, I decided I wanted to play keyboards too. I've been working on it on and off for the past year and caught on pretty quickly. Not only am I learning to play songs by Dream Theater, but I'm also working on my own stuff, which I'd like to have recorded at the start of the new year.

- Do you have pictures that show you doing or the results of your hobby?
Kind of. I don't have any of my performances yet, but I have several music related pictures of myself on my MySpace page. I hope to get a new camera sometime soon.. then I'll have plenty.

Want to join this meme? Go to Tuesday's Tales.

Whoa! Back up the truck, Jim!

2006-10-23T15:08:00.000-04:00

I ordered twelve burgers and a box of chicken nuggets..
And I got a club sandwich, fries, and a milkshake.

What's up with that? People need to get their crap in order.

Thursday Thirteen #1

2006-10-19T01:02:00.000-04:00

Thirteen things I cannot live without:

1) Music - It's my life.

2) My journal - I always have way too many things on my mind and I need a non-destructive way to let out my feelings.

3) Soda - Preferrably diet Vault. I don't like regular sodas. The sugar makes me kind of irritable.

4) Ramen noodles - No cooking talent whatsoever.

5) Internet - I'm so addicted, it's not even funny.

6) My "herb box" - You figure it out.

7) Rice Krispies treats - Because they're just awesome.

8) Black men's Vans sneakers - Why men's shoes? Because I can't ever find the right sneakers in the women's section. And Vans are the most comfortable brand I've ever worn.

9) Man deoderant - I'm not afraid to admit that I have a little sweating problem.

10) Lip gloss - Because I despise dry lips.

11) Black nail polish - Yes, it's a bit overdone, but it looks so good on me.

12) My doggy - I've always been very close with my pets.

13) Cute underwear - I wear low jeans and there is no way that I'm wearing granny panties with them. And I know that I have a nice butt, so I need something nice for it to wear.

Wordless Wednesday #2

2006-10-18T13:19:00.000-04:00

Tuesday's Tales #1

2006-10-17T14:43:00.000-04:00

Halloween is upon us. Let’s talk about it.

- Do you decorate for the holiday or hide from it? Tell me about it.
I love Halloween, also known as Samhain in my beliefs. When I lived with my mother (whose birthday falls on that day), we decorated for it every year. But now that I'm living in an apartment with "the dude", we probably won't decorate. Every day is Halloween at our place.. we're just weird like that.

- Do you dress up? What will your costume be if you do?
Kind of.. although it's not too much of a change for me. I have an extensive collection of gothic clothing that I wear often.

- What has been your best costume to date?
That would probably my black cloak. It's simple, warm, and the perfect thing to wear while scaring the crap out of people.

- Your worst costume?
The worst costume that I can remember is the bedsheet I wore when I was three or four years old. It was kind of a last minute thing. And to top it off, it rained so hard that evening, so I was a cold, wet little ghost.

- Do you scare easily? Tell me about your best scare.
Not really.. only when it comes to ghosts. I'm not worried about monsters or whatever, I'm afraid of what I CAN'T see. I've had several experiences with this (thanks to my mother, who I got my "psychic" abilities from), and things seem to happen at least once every few days- doors opening and closing, unexplainable breezes, voices, funny smells, etc.

Want to join in on this meme? Go to Tuesday's Tales.

Returning from a brief vacation..

2006-10-17T12:12:00.000-04:00

Yuuup.. I needed about a week of relaxation, even from blogging. Things have been a bit stressful lately and I decided to occupy myself with music, friends, learning to cook new things, and some other stuff.

To get back into the posting spirit, I decided to join a meme called Tuesday's Tales, but I'm a little frustrated at the moment because the topic hasn't been posted yet and I'm getting a bit antsy.

And if you've got the time, pay a visit to Dick Small's Blog. I like to drop in now and then for a good chuckle. (Look at that, I used the word "chuckle"!)

Urrrg.. hope the questions are posted soon..

Wordless Wednesday #1

2006-10-11T15:11:00.000-04:00

A concert, a long wait, and a lot of stoned people.

2006-10-04T20:35:00.000-04:00

Tool. F*cking. Rocked.

We left town somewhere around noon on Monday. The drive down to Wilkes-Barre, PA was about three hours.. and then we had to wait in the parking lot for another four. I was so excited, the wait was unbearable.. but we made it through. The guys kept it interesting.

I was a bit paranoid though because I noticed a lot of people kept watching me. But whatever.

When they finally opened the gates, the security people lined up to search the crowd for drugs, weapons, etc. I was cool with it.. until they put on latex gloves. Right then, I got nervous. (I hate when people I don't know try to feel me up and then it starts to look like they're going to perform a cavity search.. what the hell?) But it all turned out all right. I just got a quick patdown from a scary lady twice my size and was ushered through the door.

After a lecture about drugs, moshing, and crowd surfing from a senior citizen with a megaphone, the guys and I went to the bathroom, got some beverages, and found our seats.

I wasn't all too thrilled with the opener, Isis. I liked the overall style of the music (kind of a cross between Opeth, Tool, and The Gathering), but it needed to be cleaned up a bit. It was far too muddy and the guys needed to work on their stage presence. But I also took into consideration that Isis is still an up-and-coming band and probably hasn't done a show like this before. Give it maybe another year and they'll be at the top of their game.

Then the magic happened.. Tool took the stage and twenty bajillion things happened at once. Wailing guitars, drums and bass felt in your chest, psychadelic swirls projected onto the white stage, a high Maynard.. it was great. And then they busted out the laser lights. The musicianship and production completely blew my mind.

After the show, we hung out in the parking lot for at least half an hour, waiting for the rush to leave, and found our way to the nearest truck stop restaurant. We were a rowdy bunch, but we left the waitress a good tip.

And then my MOTHER calls me at 2:15 a.m. to check on me. (I hope I didn't make a fool of myself while talking to her.. I don't remember the conversation at all.)

And then we all finally made it home somewhere between 4 and 4:30 a.m. I can only imagine what time it would've been if we decided to go to the afterparty. I'm glad we didn't.. we were exhausted.

* * * * *

I filled out a long form and took a literacy test up at Sanmina this morning. Hopefully I'll get a job.. I don't see a reason for them not to hire me. If they don't give me a call by Friday, I'm going to "get all up in their Koolaid" and see what's going on. I need money, damn it!

And while I still have some spare time, I've decided to learn some stuff by Dream Theater. I've been playing keyboards for a year now, so I figured it's time to challenge myself. I'm getting a little bored with the Evanescence, Black Sabbath, Nightwish, etc. and it would be cool to learn my favorite song of all time, "Endless Sacrifice". We'll see how it goes.

What the hell?

2006-10-01T15:14:00.000-04:00

I should stop attempting to clean out my computer before it melts my brain.

My buddy Ray just posted this up on MySpace and I thought it was funny enough to share:

President Bush, Condoleezza Rice, and Dick Cheney were flying on Air Force One. George looked at Condoleezza, chuckled and said, "You know, I could throw a $1,000 bill out of the window right now and make somebody very happy.
Condoleezza shrugged her shoulders and replied, "I could throw ten $100 bills out of the window and make ten people very happy."

Cheney added, "That being the case, I could throw one hundred $10 bills out of the window and make a hundred people very happy."

Hearing their exchange, the pilot rolled his eyes and said to his co-pilot, "Such big-shots back there. Shit, I could throw all of them out of the window and make 56 million people very happy."