I just don't know..

I hate being the bearer of bad news.

How do you gracefully tell someone you care about that their grandfather died this morning?

I got a voicemail on my cell phone today from J's sister telling me what happened and to let him know. And so at 4:30, I woke him up (he works nights) and broke the bad news to him. I just didn't know how to do it either.. I felt so horrible. It's been almost two hours now and I still feel just as bad, if not worse, about the situation.

I hate it all.

And it seems that it's always one bad thing after another.. I lose my job, J loses his other grandpa.. what's next? And when will things start looking good again?

I just feel that I have nowhere to go sometimes. It's heartbreaking.

Sorry about being such a downer, guys. I just need to get things out.

It's a sad day all around.

*** BITCH ALERT ***

While everyone else is blogging about 9/11 today, I'm going to be selfish and rant about how I no longer have a steady job.

After being told countless times that I was going to keep bartending at our American legion, I walked in today to find my usual envelope with my name and last week's hours written on it. But this time, it was empty. I immediately started hyperventilating because I didn't have money for groceries and the bills I have to pay.

I frantically started calling around for different people to see what's going on, and finally I got ahold of Jerry's wife and left a message for him. He arrived at the legion about fifteen minutes later and I asked him why I wasn't paid. He told me there was no money (yet they wanted to pay the not-so-hardworking janitor) and that they can't afford to pay the bartenders anymore.

Why the hell didn't they warn me about this when they first saw it coming? They couldn't be honest about the issue so I could get a new job lined up? SUCH IDIOTS!

Right then, I broke down. I just couldn't help it. Sobbing, I told him straight up that I didn't have any money either, and without my wage, I can't buy groceries. He was generous and paid me out of his own pocket. I am very grateful for that, but also very worried about being able to pay for everything now. Things are going to be very tight until I can find another job.

I've never lost a job, so this is all very new to me. I'm scared to death and don't know what to do. Any advice at all would be greatly appreciated.

* * * * *

And no, I can't be all that selfish.. For those who have lost friends and family in the 9/11 incident, I give my deepest sympathy.

Some of the mothers these days.. unbelievable.

My day started off on a very bad note yesterday.

I had gone to bed the night before (or I should say that morning) at 6am, and the dude came home from work around 8 or so. He woke me from my two hour slumber and dragged me off to the bank with him, just as we do every Friday morning before breakfast or whatever.

Well, we pulled into the bank's parking lot and J went inside to cash his paycheck. And so I sat there, played around with the radio a little and scoped out the area.

The van next to us contained three little girls, the oldest being maybe nine years old, and the youngest looked to be about two. The side door was hanging open and these children had no adult supervision whatsoever. And they looked like they had been there AT LEAST five to ten minutes before we arrived.

Then J came out and hopped into the car. I told him to look over at the van and see if he could see any adult in there, and he came to the same conclusion I did.

So we sat there in the parking lot, waiting for the mother to come back to her kids. There was no way that we were going to leave and allow someone the opportunity to take them.. there are well over a thousand child molesters in the small area where we live.

So fifteen minutes rolls by.. no mother.. and the middle kid had climbed out of the van and started playing in the parking lot.

I had enough.

I told J to stay with the kids in the van and that I was going to take care of it. So I climbed out of the car, went over to the little girl who was playing in the parking lot, and asked her if her mother was inside. She responded with a quiet "Yes" and I led her inside.

The kid went right over to her mother, happily chatting away in one of those conference rooms, or whatever they are. I chose to wait a couple minutes, and the girl got her mother to end the conversation and see why this semi-gothic chick is waiting for her to come out.

As soon as she approached me, I went off. I was on two hours of sleep, had hardly been awake half an hour, and hadn't had my morning coffee yet. I was fuming.. and I greeted her with a, "WHAT THE F*** ARE YOU THINKING, LEAVING THREE YOUNG KIDS IN THE PARKING LOT WITH THE VAN DOOR WIDE OPEN?!"

The bitch responded with a snobby, "Well, my oldest is in the car with them."

That just fed my anger. "YOUR OLDEST LOOKS TO BE ABOUT FORTY POUNDS! DO YOU REALLY THINK SHE CAN DEFEND HERSELF AND TWO YOUNGER SISTERS FROM AN ADULT?!"

By this time, EVERYONE in the bank was watching, and I was surprised they didn't ask me to leave because of the scene I was creating. But then again, NO ONE messes with me when I'm angry.

The woman was silent from then on out, probably embarrassed, but she looked at me like I was an idiot.. like I was the one who was wrong.. and walked past me and out the door with her child. I followed her out, made a rude comment about how irresponsible she was for her age (she looked about 35), and climbed back into the passenger seat of the car.

Why do people have to be so stupid and careless?

I don't want to wish anything bad on her children, but I hope that woman gets the scare of her life. She needs to f***ing wake up. You just cannot neglect your kids like that these days.

HEY KEITH!

Keith.

Yeah you, that dude who's commented on my last two posts..

Would you ENABLE YOUR BLOGGER PROFILE so I can see your blog? I can't see anything about you, and I like to know who my readers are.

It's literally driving me mad. I have OCD-ish tendancies now and then, and this is something that's going to bother me until it's sorted.

Aside from this, today was great. I did absolutely nothing. The dude and I were supposed to have a visit from good ol' Landlord Sandy, but she never came up to do that apartment check. I spent all that time cleaning last night, expecting her to come check around for holes in the walls or drugs or whatever, and.. nothing. Knowing my luck, she'll come around at a bad time.. apartment all smokey, pizza all over the place, and music blaring from the stereo.

I'm so excited about the Tool concert next month.. they're one of my favorite bands, and I've never had the chance to see them live. I'll probably be talking about this all month. Can't wait!

A huge thanks to the BlogMad crew

I have not had this blog very long.. maybe two weeks.. and I was very surprised to find myself first on the Daily Top Voted Blogs list on BlogMad. Thanks to everyone who has been reading and voted for this blog.



If you're not a member of BlogMad, you can join here.

Now on to other news.. I learned something today..

Never wear a thong when you have a lot of gas flowing from your ass.. especially in public. I was at the grocery store, surrounded by senior citizens, and had too much soda to drink for the past few days. I desperately wanted to pick the back thingy out of my arse crack because it was uncomfortable to fart with it in the way (and I couldn't hold it in), but there were too many people around to start digging around my backside.. it sucked.

I also have fifth row tickets to the Tool concert on October 2nd waiting for me. I'm so excited. Love that band. And I love the people who keep hooking me up with this stuff. (Thank you so much!)

Mreh.. time to start cleaning the apartment now. The landlord is going to come up first thing in the morning to make sure that everything is kept up and stuff. (I think she's actually looking for drug paraphernalia, but I'm not really sure.) It's such a mess around here.

New undies make me smart!

Don't you love those days where you're wearing a great new pair of underwear and you feel like you're on top of the world?

I have been full of all sorts of thoughts and ideas today. Totally on fire.

First off, I wrote a new set of lyrics that will most definitely be put to music within the next couple weeks. It's one of my favorites so far.

Then I decided it's time to stop procrastinating and dye the blonde roots of my hair to match the rest of it. This came about when a friend of mine looked at today's featured picture and said he could probably get me a small modeling job. And so now I have tomorrow's schedule planned with plenty of time set aside for hair and then lunch.

And then I calculated my weekly expenses, took the dog out for a while, washed dishes like a maniac, cooked some lasagna (pronounced lah-SOG-nuh) hamburger helper for the dude and I, and then I went bowling.

I'm on top of the world! And I've still got brand new underwear for two more days!

Kudos to those who are jumping on the blog link exchange thingy I've got going on at the moment. You guys are great, and I'm happy to see that people are actually reading this.

Okay, it's time for me to shut up for now and go to bed.

It's that time again.

Yes, THAT time! (No, not the menstrual cycle..) It's time for those damn kids to go back to school. It's the only thing I like about this new month.

Welcome to September, kiddies! The weather is going to start growing cold and you've got a nice load of homework awaiting you. Now I'll finally be able to enjoy a nice, quiet night at home.

I'm sick of all that yelling in the street, looking at girls maybe twice my weight in clothes so skimpy I want to gag, and those sixteen year old idiots trying to look cool in the cars their parents bought them. YOUR ASSES WILL SOON BE IN SCHOOL AND I CAN BE AT PEACE!

I'm not a mean person.. I just can't stand the kids of today. (And I'm only 20.. something's definitely wrong here..)

Also FINALLY got my $400 deposit back on my cell phone. It's been a year since I joined up with Verizon.. and now I have some extra money to put toward music equipment. Whoohoo!

Oh, and I want to say HAPPY BIRTHDAY to my grandmother. I'm a day late. Sorry.

Well, it's about time I got some sleep. I just got home from bartending at the legion and I have to work tomorrow morning. And don't expect to hear from me this weekend.. I've got some major party plans. Staying sober this weekend is definitely not on the list of things to do.