Wordless Wednesday #9

Those Hippies Knew How to Party

I came across a great article today- Dancing Naked in the Corn. Woodstock was way before my time, but I can relate to the whole festival experience- people coming together, the music, the parties..

Three interesting Woodstock facts (from the article):

• A hit of Acid or Mescaline cost $4 and an ounce of Marijuana cost $15.

• Only 33 people were arrested on drugs charges yet 500 freaked out on bad LSD trips.

• 450 cows mixed freely with the campers for 3 days.

Wild.

Megadeth and Cristina Scabbia?

Megadeth and the Lacuna Coil frontwoman collaborated for "A Tout Le Monde (Set Me Free)". Great song, but this is a big change for Cristina.. Wow. I really can't say whether I love it or hate it just yet.

A Tout Le Monde (Set Me Free)

Rock Against Domestic Abuse: New York

I recently teamed up with my gorgeous friend, Michelle, to start a MySpace campaign for RADA of NY. It's still in its early stages, but I can confidently say that it's going very well and will be a big success.

Those who have read about my struggles will understand why I'm taking on this project and my desire to help those who have the same problems I once did.

It is still uncertain whether or not I will be performing, but the chances are pretty good. I have several friends who will be part of the show too, Dropclutch being one of the many bands we're booking.

Show date(s) will not be announced for at least a couple more months.

Your support would be greatly appreciated. More on this later.

Empty Walls - Serj Tankian's new single

I finally got the chance to see Serj Tankian's new music video this morning, and I must say that it's nothing short of brilliant. He's been known to be crazy and unpredictable, and misunderstood by those who can't look past that, but he is one of the greatest modern political activists.

Check it out:
Serj Tankian - Empty Walls


I love the idea of children playing in this video, and all the symbolism. It really shows what war does to our innocent children and our families.

"Don't you see their bodies burning
Desolate and full of yearning
Dying of anticipation
Choking from intoxication"

The lyrics aren't nearly as subtle as the video, but they fit together nicely. This is only the first single off his new album, Elect the Dead, and I can't wait to hear what else this amazing artist has released. I'll be getting his album soon.

Serj is on the road and will be touring Europe in less than a week from now. I hope I get the chance to see him live when he gets back to the States.

Two years gone.. oh how I've changed..

Today I took some time to look at how I've changed over the past couple years, and I can hardly believe I travelled this far down this long road we call life.

It seems like just yesterday I was a nameless hopeful singing in a coffeeshop after the breakup of my last opera metal band, that little girl who had sang in front of thousands of people in Ohio yet never made it in New York, the place she called home. Several times a week she sang in front of a small audience with an acoustic guitar backing her up.. she was a star in the eyes of a select few.

Those few people also worried about her- she was extremely thin, pale, and cut up. No one dared to voice concern, not that she would listen to them anyway. She was doing what she wanted to do. Years of domestic abuse turned her into a compulsive pill-popping anorectic, and being in the public eye, she fed off the attention others gave her. The thinner she became, the more beautiful she felt. The more people watching, the more drive she had to dig that hole even deeper.

Her home life wasn't like it used to be. Her step-father was finally gone, but she continued to live in the past. Locked in her room all day with music and a journal, she found a twisted sense of inner peace in cutting her skin and recording every calorie eaten and every bit of exercise she did. She hated her mother for nagging her about not doing anything with herself. She hated her psychologists because they couldn't help her. She hated the world and everything in it. And most of all, she hated herself because she believed she was a terrible person and deserved this pain she brought unto herself.

What a way to live.. Sometimes it's hard to see the logic in it, but that's just it- depression and eating disorders aren't logical. Something happens along the way to fool your brain into thinking something that isn't true. In my case, it was abuse from my ex step-father. Over a period of nine years, I was taught to believe that I was insignificant, lazy, and no one cared about me. No one knew about what he did to me during that time because it was everyday life to me. I thought it was the norm.

Then I met J one day and we became good friends and bandmates. I visited him at his apartment every day because he had nothing but his computer- no furniture, no bed to sleep on, no form of entertainment other than his bass guitar, and he was struggling to keep food in the kitchen. He had recently gotten out of his second bad relationship (the stupid bitch screwed him over several times) and when he moved back up here, he had little money and no one to hang out with. He had been through many hard times of his own, and I felt I could relate to many of his experiences. Only a month after we met, we figured out that we completed one another.

Soon enough he introduced me to his friends and the band that he worked for, and suddenly I was thrown into another world. I like to look at it as my second chance at life because, in all honesty, I was going to die.

My new friends found out I could sing, and not long after, I was brought onto the stage with a few older, more experienced bands, and felt that high you get when a crowd of people are dancing in front of you and a group of established musicians are behind you, creating this groove that becomes this massive wave of energy that I cannot even begin to explain. It was amazing. And little by little, I began to feel better and more confident in myself.

I've had some awesome experiences with celebrities too. I hung out and drank shots at the bar with SOiL. I worked with a production company for a Disciple show, and got to eat dinner and hang with the guys a bit. I was invited on stage by Joe from Stemm, and briefly sang into the mic with TJ. These are a few of the many amazing experiences I will never forget.. and there are more to come. There are a lot of opportunities on the horizon.

Confidence and knowledge came like a whirlwind. I became a whole new person in no time at all. And with J giving me the emotional support I needed, I overcame most of my insecurities.

I won't lie- I still have my bad days. There are many days where I sit at home and do absolutely nothing. I've never been diagnosed with bipolar disorder, but I believe I have it, and every psychologist I had talked to said there was a strong possibility that I do. I haven't seen a real doctor in years, and probably won't for a couple more, so it was never made official.

There are days when all I want to do is sit in front of the tv, get baked, and laugh at all the stupid commercials. And I do now and then. And I'm okay with it because I've come a long way and life is hectic. Everyone needs a break every once in a while.

I called my mom the other day and thanked her for putting up with me during my worst times. I told her how I resented her and that I can't even begin to explain how sorry I really am for everything I put her through. I wasn't myself, I was lost to the world. She told me not to be sorry because none of it was my fault, and admitted that she felt bad for not knowing and overlooking all the signs that were right in front of her. She's happy to know I'm doing well now, but she still kicks herself for letting it all happen. But how could she really know? She was working all the time and I was too afraid to tell her about it, and I explained this but she still feels guilty about it all. I can only hope one day soon she can fully let it go like I did.

It truly hurts me to see thousands of people going through the same troubles I had.. and if I could only tell them one thing, it would be NO MATTER HOW LOST YOU ARE, THERE IS ALWAYS HOPE. THERE IS ALWAYS THAT LIGHT AT THE END OF THE TUNNEL. IF YOU CAN DREAM IT, YOU CAN BE IT.. AND HAPPINESS IS WAITING FOR YOU, WHENEVER YOU'RE READY TO ACCEPT IT INTO YOUR LIFE.

Thursday Thirteen #4

The 13 bands/artists who influenced me, my music, and my attitude the most (in no particular order):


1) Alice in Chains - My very first cd was Flies in a Jar, which was given to me at a young age, and I've listened to them ever since.

2) Evanescence - A band led by a girl who followed her dreams and actually achieved them, and I watched her grow up in the spotlight. It's inspiring. Amy Lee is the musician I have the most in common with.

3) Lacuna Coil - Another female led band, but from Italy, with style and attitude. A lot of my musical inspiration comes from listening to them.

4) Marilyn Manson - THE MOST BRILLIANT LYRICIST EVER! He's the Madonna of the goth rock world (forgive me for using that analogy), always cutting edge, always changing and not afraid to try something new. I don't care how weird he is, he's a god.

5) Korn - Though I'm a little disappointed with the latest album (it took me a while to adjust to the new sound), Korn is and always will be one of my favorite bands. Like Jonathan Davis, I had a hard childhood and found music to be the best therapy.

6) Tool - I've always liked music that was different from all the crap you hear on the radio. The first day I heard Tool, I fell in love with them and couldn't stop listening.

7) A Perfect Circle - Another one of Maynard James Keenan's projects (see Tool). Even today, I still can't stop listening to Mer de Noms and Thirteenth Step.. too bad the band didn't make it as far as they should have. This is my meditation music.

8) Nightwish - Classical music is where my roots are, so when a friend introduced me to this Finnish opera metal band, a whole new world opened up for me. The old Nightwish (with Tarja Turunen) drove me to push my vocals to the next level, and beyond. I sang their songs day in and day out, and eventually got to the point where I now use them as part of a warmup for practices and shows. Without this inspiration, I would have never found my four-octave vocal range. Also, Tuomas Holopainen (keys and lead composer) is a hero of mine and inspires me to keep playing my keyboard, trying new things, and creating symphonies instead of just songs.

9) Coheed and Cambria - If you can get over Claudio's odd voice, C&C is amazing. I've spent hours contemplating the lyrics and the meanings behind them, and like the other bands, I love the originality of the music.

10) Breaking Benjamin - One of the few new mainstream bands I listen to. They're hard, melodic, and definitely have their stuff together. I often find myself singing their music while I'm at work.

11) Slipknot - Amazing, definitely amazing. As if the guitars, turntables, and samples aren't enough, they've got three solid drummers pushing the limit. That's right- three drummers, one band.

12) Metallica - It's Metallica.. Need I say more?

13) Dream Theater - THE MOST AMAZING BAND ON THE FACE OF THE PLANET. Also the most underrated. It's a friggin' shame that most people have never even heard of them.. they are by far the most talented group of musicians that has ever set foot on a stage. You don't know music until you've listened to Dream Theater.


This post was so hard to write. I had to cut great bands like Black Sabbath, Black Label Society, KISS, and so many others. I hate doing that.

Korn concert, take two.

Due to other priorities, J and I won't be attending that Korn concert I posted about last week. Turns out we're too busy with all the other stuff on our plates. I'm so bummed about it, but we're going to try to catch them the next time around. They'll be back.

Thursday Thirteen #3

My 13 favorite songs (in no particular order):


1) "Endless Sacrifice" - Dream Theater

2) "Ghost Love Score" - Nightwish

3) "Enter Sandman" - Metallica

4) "Sweet Child O' Mine" - Guns N' Roses

5) "10,000 Days (Wings Pt. 2)" - Tool

6) "When Doves Cry" - Prince

7) "Another Brick in the Wall" - Pink Floyd

8) "Iron Man" - Black Sabbath

9) "Alone I Break" - Korn

10) "Heart-Shaped Box" - Nirvana

11) "Man in the Box" - Alice in Chains

12) "Halflife" - Lacuna Coil

13) "Dream On" - Aerosmith

Korn concert?

Next month, Korn is playing down in Wilkesbarre, PA.. same place I went for that Tool concert.. and today I've got J looking for some tickets.

The opening acts are HellYeah, Five Finger Deathpunch, and Droid.

Do you have any idea what this means? IT'S GOING TO BE AN AWESOME SHOW! Like.. the show of the year! Thousands of people gathering in one place to see some amazing bands. Beer. Merch stands galore. Afterparties. Pre-show parties in people's vans. Did I mention beer? And LOUD MUSIC. God, I love big concerts.

I'll have to tell my boss not to schedule me October 10th or 11th when I go back to work on Monday. It's going to be another long trip. And I can't wait. More on this later.

Michael Tilson Thomas made me stop and think..

Mr. Thomas posted an interesting question on Yahoo! Answers that hit me like a load of bricks:

Through performing, music education and electronic media, the San Francisco Symphony and I strive to make classical music accessible to all. How has classical music impacted your life?

How has classical music influenced my life? Wow.. so many ways.

Classical music is where my roots are. That is what I was originally trained in, and I studied it all through school. I was going through some of the hardest times of my life back then and what I found in this genre is too much for me to describe. It was my home, a safe haven for me to channel my emotions- all the anger, hurt, and sadness I felt. It was my fantasy land. It showed me the past, days when I was happy. And it showed me the future, when I would finally be free from those troubles.

It also taught me a lot of the technical stuff- key, time signature, things like that.. and most of all, it taught me that the possibilities are endless. If you can dream it, you can write it, and this can be applied to everything in life, not just music. I learned to believe in myself.

Though I don't listen to classical music nearly as much as I once did (I fell in love with the hard rock/metal genres), I can say that it is the reason I listen to amazing, underrated bands like Nightwish, Dream Theater, and Dimmu Borgir, and not all that mainstream pop and rap you hear on the radio. It is the reason I write my own music with a bit of an epic, classical theme. I still have my fantasy world, but with rougher edges, a little more anger and sorrow to feed the darker side of my mind.

I wish everyone could get a proper education in classical music. It teaches people to appreciate music for what it really is, not for the "uber hott!" singer who hires someone else to write lyrics and put them to a simple, unimaginitive beat and melody. Real music is about expression and storytelling (not necessarily classical or metal.. there is great music in all genres).

It is what I live for.